Who’s going to get the chickpeas?

As of tonight, Coronavirus has now claimed six lives in the UK. This is not good, and of course, we’ll apparently (UK Govt prediction) see the rise of positive diagnosis among our citizens rise sharply, over the next two weeks, at which it will reach its peak.

I’m a bit interested in all of this, as I know we all are. Among my job functions just now is to be calm, defer to Government directives, prepare and deliver communications to the company I work for; and above all, keep panic (which in itself is an epidemic) – and keep calm, and carry on. Bunty and Whizzo expect this, chaps, and that’s what we’ll jolly well bloody do!

I was listening to the news on my way back from Alds, stockpiling bog roll for my incontinent spice loving carer (that’s how I justified the 4 x 9 packs at  the self checkout; though to be fair, I only paid for one lot, #easybutaccidentalmistake #youvealldoneitwithfilletsteaks – and, Alds’ version of the classic jammy dodger, which I can assure you, was not for me. Bleuuch!!

Actually, on the subject of botttomly emissions, I just don’t get the panic buying of loo roll; if you end up having IV antibiotics to de-virus you, trust me, you’ll be lucky if your back flaps open to discharge the passenger for at least six weeks. I’ve been there; wiping my arse through my mouth wasn’t fun after post-breast cancer sepsis and ICU isolation (the bit about poo/mouth not actually true, but you get the picture) …the true bit is, the back end of me was locked up like where my daughter works, which is an actual prison – with no prospect of release. Think about that when you’re trying to get your recommended 30g of fibre per day, I beseech you!

So – unless your co-habitant is just like mine, desist. If you must buy it, take a 4-pack of Andrex to the elderly horrible lady in your street, even if she’s a complete cow, and take some other bits with you too.

Anyway, back to the news today, on the radio. There was a discussion with lots of old people about, “Is one death more or less important than another?”

So far, the UK deaths have been justified, as those ‘who had underlying conditions’. I feel that’s slightly unfair, as though their underlying conditions makes it OK..although I completely understand the need to control the epidemic which is fear.

Not being funny (situation normal, obvs) but if my EMR gets it, he is toast, as he has a respiratory disease. He is also 91.

If I get it, with a growing little f’er in my lower right lobe now, I’m burnt toast. Mind you, it’d save on the cremation fee!

Looks like my old friend is brewing again. Too soon to be sure – we’ll know more late May. 5mm now; we watch, wait and are forever optimistic. I couldn’t give a flying one, in that, I have the same team as before, and I totally trust them. I can say this honestly – I do not give it any thought, ever. Deal with fact, in life. Speculation will bloody kill you! Anyway, I think it’s a boil?? I used to get them as a kid 😂😂 You will not believe me, but I am truly not worried. If the whatnot hits the fan, me and the home team are rowdy 🙃🤣😂 – oh, ready!

But what about me and EMR?  Would we both be justified as underlying, therefore, ok?  Would that be our ultimate write off?

I know we need to stabilise the fear – jeez Louise- every day at work I get asked: “what do I say to my customer/colleagues?” – and we have every answer all verified, honest, and ready.

My biggest worry right now is that, as a plant-based family, right, (ok, plant-based Mon-Fri, guilty of a good burger of a weekend, obvs); what would be the impact if, like today, I had run out of chickpeas???

Dun dun DURRRR!

We had actually run out of chickpeas today. #woke #meghan

With the vigour of a skittish colt, off I ran to Tescotrose (that was deliberately inclusive); up I parked my lovely new car, which I’ve already dinged, and duly dinged a few times in its six month life, ran like the wind into the World Foods aisle, beat my fragile way across the throngs of the crowds…

To find:

80000 tins of chickpeas

00000 tins of tomatoes

Anyway, I bought four tins of the chickie peas, because we eat them.

FFS – I’m declaring a national emergency. No bog roll?  Don’t eat the bloody chickpeas love.

Anyway, I’m off to self-isolate.. in my nearest branch of Majestic, I think?

Pip pip  – and sanitise those hands folks xx